David Hunt

Jennie Arnau’s music rises and falls like the ocean tides, carries you over rivers of mud, leaving you soaked to your soul in the pouring rain.

Keep listening, though, and Arnau will lead you through the storm.

I’m David Hunt. Jennie Arnau cut her teeth as a singer/songwriter in New York’s East Village in the first decade of the millennium, at a time when the city’s music scene played host to an indie-rock revival. She released three independent albums featuring her signature sound: a shot of Southern comfort tinged with an urban edge.

Then — just after releasing her third album, Chasing Giants, in 2009 — she dropped off the radar.

Jennie Arnau is back on the music scene — after a 15-year hiatus — with a new album, full of new songs, and new stories of love, loss and life.

I sat down with Arnau recently to talk about her new album — A Rising Tide — and to find out where’s she’s been and how she’s faring. 

So, is it weird doing media for a new album after a few years away?

Jennie Arnau:

Yeah, it's a real, it's very strange. It's really fun though, because I'm coming from a completely different place, so it feels very kind of new and a little bit exciting, a little refreshing, and, and I feel like I can be myself more. I've changed in that way. I've grown up a bit, you know, I've, I'm a little more grounded, so it feels kind of nice.

David Hunt:

Let’s talk about your musical journey. You live in New York now, but you grew up in the South — in Greenville, South Carolina. Was it a rhinestone cowboy sort of thing that led you to the big city.

Jennie Arnau:

<Laugh> Sort of. The one thing I remember when I was in high school was I didn't wanna stay in the South for college. That was my whole thing. And I had always sung; I had always been in musical theater. … And I had taken guitar from a place that's still in Greenville called The Fifth String. And, and I just really, I, I just wanted to get out of the south and be able to do somewhat what I liked to do. That was, that was the whole goal. And so I went to Missouri to college, and then and then after college, I was like, I am not moving back to the south. And so I decided New York when most of the people in my college went to LA but there were like five of us that came to New York.

… I've been writing since I was in high school, but it never was like, oh, I'm gonna be a singer songwriter. Never. It was always like, oh, I'm gonna be a musical theater and I'll have this little thing on the side, and nothing like that. And and about a year into living up here, I just realized I, I didn't like the atmosphere of the auditioning and things like that. It was very psychological and I just wasn't, you know, I, I just didn't get it and I wasn't happy with it. So I kind of laid off of everything until I moved to 11th Street about three years, four years after I got here, and I got involved with the East Village music scene.

And that was really fun. And that's how it kind of took off. 

And and then I started thinking, yeah, I would really like to be, you know, a Celine Dion or something like that, but I just am not that. So and it was really weird because I'm pretty country and pretty folk oriented, but everything in, in the East Village was pretty girl music or punky. And, and so I kind of went that way for a while and I kind of lost my, my own way of speaking or my own voice. And and then I slowly started to kind of find it and, and find a place for me to be. 

David Hunt:

And you found an audience, you found a fan base that that liked the authentic Jenny Arnau.

Jennie Arnau:

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. It was really weird because when I was trying to do all of this harder stuff, I didn't find a fan base. … and I kept thinking, well, I think I'm writing well, you know, and, and my little core of musicians were like, yeah, you're doing great. But, but it didn't feel authentic. You're right. And so when I started kind of being a little truer to myself, I started with much smaller places. And then like under Acme, you know, these little tiny places that you would go down and, and there'd be a drip on the microphone and you'd shock your lip every time, <laugh> you touch the, that kind of thing. But it was really fun, and they were really, really supportive. And then you moved to the living room and you did the Arlene Grocery, and they didn't, they didn't care if you were punk or country or, and and then I even did a little bit at Seabees, and he didn't care at all. I mean, he was like, bring it on. And so it was really a fun time to kind of try to find where you were gonna be and, and grab a little, you know, a a few people who  like what you're doing everywhere you went. So it was nice.

David Hunt:

Early in your career before this break that we're going to talk about, did you feel like you were chasing something, chasing fame, or chasing success?

Jennie Arnau:

Yeah, a little bit, actually. A lot. And I also felt like, and this was, this is the interesting thing of before the break to after the break, because before the break I was chasing and I was losing, and I felt like a failure … Even though it was everything that I loved to do, it became almost a burden, because I feel like I had put the, the wrong weight on it. It should be always, you do it because you love it, and if you happen to be successful, that's fantastic. But most of us don't find monetary success in, in music, so we have to find what makes us happy. And I just couldn't do it, I was too either self-centered or too immature or whatever it was, but I felt like I was watching some of my friends get a lot more success, and it just made me feel like a, like a failure.

David Hunt:

We alluded to the break you took from music, but we’ve haven’t explained it. Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans, right? And life hit you pretty hard. 

Jennie Arnau:

I don't think I've ever kind of talked about this, but it started off: 2005 and 2006, I had a lot of friends pass away. I had a couple pass away from AIDS, and I had a couple pass away from cancer. And it was kind of a, not just a double whammy, it was like a quadruple, you know, whatever whammy. It was, it was just a lot. … And around that time, my mother had a fall, and it wasn't even a big deal… Dad took her to the doctor, and they said she had early dementia. And her curvature down was pretty slow at first and everything was OK. But around 2008 or 2009, I think she died in 2014, it started to become really kind of problematic. I was very tight with my mother and it just, it really emptied my, my tank. I couldn't, I just, I didn't wanna really work. I didn't wanna play, I didn't wanna write, but, you know, slowly but surely, you start to kind of put something down like, God, I gotta, I gotta just put that out and then kind of walk away. And that's how it started to kind of gear back up. But it took a long time. And I have to say, grief is weird because you don't know how you're gonna maneuver through it, you know? And I, I'll be the first to admit I didn't maneuver well <laugh>. I didn’t maneuver well through it.

David Hunt :

The distance must have made it difficult. You were in New York, your mom was in Greenville, 700 miles away. 

Jennie Arnau:

Every time I'd go down, she'd be a little bit thinner, a little frail, or she never forgot, like who we were. Like vascular arterial, dementia's, slightly different than other dementias. And she never forgot who we were, but she would forget huge things of time. And she would also just show absolutely no interest. So I, I remember like going back and forth and coming back home and being like, she's really thin and she just seems to have given up. But then at one point and it was about a year before she passed, I was talking to her on the phone, and literally she was like, and couldn't, there was no words coming out. And I told Tamara, I was like, my wife. And I told Tamara, I was like, I I gotta go down and I gotta, so I went down probably once to twice a month for that year to just kind of, kind of stay with her.

Jennie Arnau:

And yeah. You know, that was pretty, pretty difficult. It was pretty difficult. And then we took her to the doctor and she was like, they were like, oh, she's got 15% of her heart is working at this point. And I was like, well, no one told me that that was <laugh>. You know, that was, that was the situation. But it's so, it, you know, dementia is a tough one because, you know, not to get angry and, you know, it's not your fault, but you can't help it. You just can't help it. You know, you wanna do more and you, and you are angry. You can't, can't do anything about it.

David Hunt:

You mentioned that you were with your now wife, then girlfriend, when your mom's dementia diagnosis was made. And, and I imagine that could have gone any number of ways. How it did go?

Jennie Arnau:

My wife is exceptional and, and I, I know everyone says that about their partners. I get it. But she has the abilities to navigate situations that I personally can't navigate. And she brings a lot of clarity to me because I'm a kind of emotional wreck all the time. I'm like nee, nee all the time. And so she's always like, calm, you know ‘That's okay. We, we will take this step by step and we'll take this step by step and this step by step.’ And ever since we got together, she's been that way. I'm sure there was I'm sure there was doubt at some point about us being together for her. But she never, she never let it show. She always, always felt, she always made me feel like I was very secure with this relationship. She would never let let that go or let anyone hurt me or, you know what I mean? She was just, she's, she's pretty, she's pretty spectacular. And I, I'm honestly not that way. I'm always, you know, kind of what's going on here and, well, why are we doing that? And she's, she's always like, this is why it's okay. You're gonna be fine.

David Hunt:

So there's a song on your new album that I think is a wedding song, but I'm not sure:  “Heaven in Her Eyes.” Does that have anything to do with your relationship?

Jennie Arnau:

Absolutely, absolutely. Heaven in her Eyes was, was written for her. We got engaged right after about six months after Mom passed. Mom knew Tamara, she loved Tamara. But that's, that's when we got engaged. And I just thought, I wish that mom had known that this was going to be my partner for the rest of my life. That's what I wish, because my mother was, everything in my world when I was a kid. And Tamara has taken that place not as my mom, but as my partner and someone that I trust implicitly, always. And it's really, it's lovely.

David Hunt:

You’re listening to Tell Me David: Queer stories past and present. I’m David Hunt, continuing my conversation with singer/songwriter Jennie Arnau.

Let's talk about digging your way out of this dark place that you were in. And the part that music writing and performing played in that.

Jennie Arnau:

Well, writing definitely played a lot. Because when I started to come up for air, I didn't know exactly what air I was coming up to and what I was gonna do, and how I was gonna sound and what it was gonna be. And I started writing Heaven in Her Eyes, was one of the first ones that I wrote. And I liked it. And Back to Carolina I kind of wrote because I was split and I didn't know what I was quite doing. I knew I didn't wanna live in Carolina, but I also knew I should be there, you know, my, my family, my father and my brother took on a lot with my mom. A lot. And though I was going in and out, I didn't feel like I took on as much, and I didn't, to be fair. So Back to Carolina, I wrote because of that. And then I wrote Heaven in her Eyes, and I kind of liked them both. I was like, I, I, I like these songs. I think they sound good, but I just kind of played 'em for myself and whatever. And, and I wrote a couple more, and then I sent them off to my two music buddies just to say, Hey, I am writing again. What do you guys think? And my friend Pete, who plays the, the keyboards on this record, he's like, you gotta, you gotta record. Like, these are great. You gotta do it. And, and then Alan, who's my drummer, he was like, yep, let's, let's get in. And it, every time I wrote another song, it just felt a little lighter. It felt, it felt better and better. And like, I was like, wow, I, I think I can even write, I'm writing a little bit better because I understand myself a little bit more. I've gone through a lot and I understand what I'm trying to say a little bit better.

David Hunt:

When I listen to your new album, A Rising Tide, I can almost hear you working through the stages of grief song by song, line by line. In the first song, Ocean’s Rise, you sing, “Every time I turn this wreck around, the oceans rise up and drag me back down.”  Which is so evocative of what you were going through at that stage where your mom was getting worse with dementia. Were you writing songs while your mom was sick? Or did this all happen afterwards?

Jennie Arnau:

I was writing, I was writing lyrics while my mother was sick. And, and they were disjointed. So I would, I would think of something like that, and I would just write it down and kind of leave it aside. But I always try to kind of write. If, if something comes to me, I'll just stop on the street and tap it into my phone so I have it because and I, I've always done that, so I feel like I probably wouldn't be able to function if I didn't get some of this stuff at least away from my head. 'cause I'll think on it. I’m one of those who chews on information forever.

David Hunt:

Then on the second song on the album, Countryman you talk about it's time to jump in that spring, let the water steel my heart and wash me clean. That’s a little more hopeful. There's a water motif going on, but, but now it's, it's not dragging you down and taking you out like a rip current. It's, it's washing you clean. So, were you beginning to see I, I guess, a glimmer of something on the other side at that point?

Jennie Arnau:

Yeah, you know, it's funny because that one was also written, you know, I mean, Tamara was very much around, and I think every so often because I can, I can get pretty kind of down in the dumps and, and every so often she'll be like, come on. It's, it's honestly, it's just not that bad. You have to see that, you know, the sun rises every day, and you can still sing and play guitar and you, you know, we can still go apple picking or whatever it is. You know, what, you know, and, and I think that sometimes, especially when I'm really kind of drowning in it, it's good to come up for air. And I think that's where that came from. It's like, I'm having a rough time, but over there, there's just a little kinda light there. And it also talks about leaving the town and that, you know, whenever I go to Greenville, and it's still because of the history of it with me it feels heavy. It feels heavy. And so when I get to move away from it a little bit, it's good.

David Hunt:

What do you think makes a Jennie Arnau song a Jennie Arnau song? What’s the secret sauce?

Jennie Arnau:

I think my influences add a little to the secret sauce. Like I was in the South and, and really into people like John Denver and James Taylor, and Carly Simon and Carol King and Cat Stevens. And they were all kind of this acoustic poetic, like line drives, you know? And so I felt like I feel like my writing has gotten more and more towards that, that kind of real, just acoustic songwriter with a little bit of that old school influence, because I can't, I, you know, I can't get away from, I didn't grow up during, you know, Ariana Grande and during, and they're great. I mean, I kind of wish I did. Those pop songs are amazing, but they're just not what I grew up with. And I think that the, you, you, I got influenced a lot more than I realized it.

David Hunt:

What does the future hold for you? What are your plans?

Jennie Arnau:

I just wanna, I wanna really play more, write more and just really enjoy it as much as I can. I don't need to be, you know, making a lot of money. I don't need to, none of that. That's gone. That's not my place anymore. My place is to have fun, get out as much as I can, write as much as I can hear what people have to say. Hopefully they'll like what I'm doing. Like literally that, that's my whole, my whole, you know, that's what I want for my future.

David Hunt:

Find Jennie Arnau’s new album, A Rising Tide, on your favorite streaming platform — or visit jenniearnaumusic.com. J-e-n-n-i-e-a-r-n-a-u music dot com.

I’d like to thank Jennie Arnau for her sharing her story — and her music — for this program. For Tell Me, David, I’m David Hunt.